Monday, 15 August 2011

An incomplete list of tactical evolutionary options.

How can a tactical evolutionary advantage ever be seen as a sin to God? Maybe that's what he told his prey to see and they pray to him instead of she?

0. Never equip your food supply with a complete and accurate list of your own tactical evolutionary options. That is the rule of God. If you break it, god eats god and that's Baalarchy.

1. If you have eyes and your food does not, stick to the visual channel, keep audio to a minimum. Take to the air if possible.

2. Always quote your sources. Uncheckable sources which exist in consensus reality on pain of death, but which do not exist in external reality, are best. No one will kill you for disrespecting the Aliens, yet. Try to disrespect Asherah's bit o' fluff and you're asking for it!

3. If your food is incapable of conceptualising the divine, tell them that your magic secrets are hidden under that massive pile of stones which they can only move when they work together under your magic guidance.

3.1. It is always cheaper to break your opponent's sword than it is to make your sword longer than his. This is the law of hobbling.

3.14. If you do opt to break your opponent's sword, it is even better if the damage is not apparent until he picks it up to defend against your sword.

3.141. XKCD

4. Spines will prevent phallophagy while complex language will allow you to glide. There is nothing  worse than a hungry phallophage with a face like the reproductive organs of the female of your species, hiding in a bush making kissy noises, waiting and hoping for a snack to pop itself in.

5. Lie!

6. Equip your food with lies dressed as safety warnings and your food will lie on your behalf. This is safer and more economical than lying yourself.

7. Anything that has the same mother as you will not eat you and you shall not eat it in return. This is why we have the word 'same' but not 'insame' to accompany the male version of the word same, 'sane' which has as it's antonym, 'insane'. The m denotes the mother's eating choices and the n denotes the father's eating choices.

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